Another Excerpt from my Novel........
Date: 03/04/2012
Place: Pune
Today, I’m sitting here in my office working as a Software Test Engineer from past 8 months. Whenever I tell anyone about me being a part of IT industry, everybody seems to feel delighted and I often hear people saying “Man, few years later u’ll earn in dollars.” I have got no option but to smile, a smile which m wearing from past 4 years just to hide my pain and loneliness.
After my break- up have been continuously striving to be a better human being. I have got no feelings like hatred, anger, sadness etc. left in me, just believe in spreading Love and Happiness with my nature and deeds. My friends often ask me “Sandeep, why r u so damm good yaar.” I just reply “I’m like this buddy.”
Whenever I see a couple fighting for no reason and trying to break-up with each other, I try and convince both of them, how it pains after that, if you are in a relation try and work out things, there's always a way out, break-up is not an option buddy. At times m able to convince but few don’t understand ultimately one or the other feels the same I went through.
The main reason behind writing this Novel is a Girl. A Girl whom I once Loved like anything and more than anyone in dis whole world. I wanted to share d story because its been almost 4 years and m still trying to cope up with the Pain. You know what, Pain-- is increasing day by day instead of slowing down and disappearing. I read somewhere that the best way to forget a gal (Love) is to turn her into a literature.....I ask myself a question very frequently, Is It true?? Let’s c.
Before “Chayya”, I didn’t know about this beautiful feeling of the world i.e. LOVE. Chayya taught me what is Love, my friends often ask me to curse her or abuse her if not in front of her, do it when you r sitting alone in any place. But you know what, the moment I open my mouth, first sentence which comes out of my mouth is “I still Love you Chayya, wish we could be together”.
When people ask me about my time spent with ‘Chayya’, I say “I have had the time of my Life with her.”(Couldn’t find better words to describe her)
Few days back I started liking a girl, we used to talk a lot even during nights. But when I proposed her, she rejected it. But this time I didn’t feel like anything happened, I was able to forget what happened the other night and move on. But why am not able to forget Chayya, have I loved her so much that it’s like impossible for me to erase her from my memory. I always keep her album with me in the luggage which I carry while travelling or even my office bag.
I remember staying in Noida for around 2 year alone in a flat, but that turned out to be a nightmare for me. Living alone was not a good idea for me, though I used to spend most of the time in office so that I just go to bed after reaching home but my bad, I couldn’t sleep, her memories kept me awake from one night to other. I spent few nights sitting in my balcony, smoking cigarette from one packet to another, at times I used to cry also lying on my bed for hours, or sitting infront of idol of God (though I don’t believe in this thing anymore) asking him to reduce the pain with my hands folded and pleading “Please God, I can’t take it anymore, stop it, I would do anything, but please help me”. Just to fight with this I started working in night shifts, though my office hours were from 16:00 pm to 02:30 am but I used to sit in office till morning around 06:00 am, just to avoid my loneliness and when I reach home, m so damm tired that I immediately go to bed, Best part was I was paid extra for showing more productivity but bad was that my health deteriorated rapidly. When my mom visited Noida, she asked not to work and stay in Noida anymore. And after fighting with myself for around 2 years I left, the city.
In order to find peace of mind, travelled to several places across India, Hyderabad, Mumbai, Bangalore, Chennai, around 6 months away from Home, and finally ended up in Pune, reason being that I have got my best buddies over here. During my travel I have seen and met a lot of people (guess would be able to write about my journey one day, it’s really worth it), laughing at nothing, fighting for no reason, crying for silly things, few helping needy ones, and after watching all this a smile came onto my face automatically and my heart felt it in a different way, a smile that told me different kind of people take various ways to express their emotions, a smile that told me whatever might be the reason they just try to be happy in their own way, and after watching all this my heart felt so calm and relaxed.
Now here in Pune, I keep myself very busy that I don’t have even time for myself, even on weekends I visit any of my friend’s house. But the problem is am still not able to sleep, I have learned to live my life like this, it doesn’t mean that m frustrated or depressed and one day I would end up committing suicide,( no way, that’s not gonna happen) but yeah am angry, angry from a very Long time.
I have read around 200 Love stories in the past 4 years and have seen more than 70 Romantic movies few with Happy endings and few with Sad, every single Novel I read and movie I saw , made me realise that am not the only one who suffers from pain. It’s happens, what matters is how you take it, there is no point regretting and ending your Life for the person who left you in the middle when you needed him/her the most.
People now know me for spreading happiness, be it at office, old friends or any random I meet, I laugh a lot and make other do with my nuisance and stupid talks, by creating funny faces, pulling others leg, cracking jokes. But nobody knows that “Person who always tries to make other’s smile is always Lonely from his heart.
We are the sum of all the moments of our lives.....and anybody who sits down to write will use the clay of their own Life.
I guess have used enough clay to tell you my story. My journey of Life continues………………..
Lastly, there was and would always be one dream in my eyes about being Chayya and Me together. If not possible in this Life Time, but I want her in every other, whenever I take birth in human form.
Sometimes, Memories are the reason why one can’t move on….
@Sandy..........
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