Ek Deewana Tha........

Sometimes I hate listening to Love song and watching Romantic movies bcoz that reminds me of you.

I was watching this movie “Ek Deewana Tha..” , and suddenly started feeling that this movie is somewhat similar to my life only a slight difference that in the end there is a Happy Ending but in my Life, m not sure what destiny has got in it’s bucket for me.

The guys meets a girl and falls in Love with her but I was already madly in Love with sweets even before I met or rather saw her (now you might be wondering about it, just wait till my novel publishes, I can’t tell u everything else u wud loose charm of my Novel).

I was also crazy about sweets juz like in the movie (or even more than that coz real life is different than real life), to let you know about my Love for her will tell you an incident (it’s also there in my novel, and there are many).

I remember winter of Jan, 2008 (around 7 months before sweets left me), it was chilling winter that year and I had just returned from a long vacation of 20 days, sweets didn’t see me or was unable to talk much as I was at home, so we both were desperate to get a glimpse of each other. I returned to (sry can't take name as she has asked me not to do so bt i can tell u the state,M.P., yeah this is where i learned what is Love) on 10^nd Jan, 2008, spoke to sweets that m back in town, she was so Happy to hear that and got excited, I asked her to keep ur senses low and will pass by infront of her house while going to college. She denied and said

Sweets: “I want to see you now.”

Me: “r u crazy it’s 22:00 pm, how can I come there at night, I dun have even bike.”

Sweets: “what happened to ur bike”

Me: “my frnd took it for a ride.”

Sweets: “very gud, u dun Love me, u hv changed, I dun wanna talk to u.”

Me: “hey, wait it’s not the case, what can I do if my frnd took my bike even before I reached here. And by the way, how come I would be able to see u at this point of time, it’s too late swthrt, try to understand and what would u say to ur parent that what r u doing in ur balcony at this time.”

Sweets: “oh, I forgot to tell you that there is a sort of Pooja going on in my house with my Guru g, visiting the city and it’s sort of function where everyone is invited, u can come inside my house also, if anyone asks, just tell them that u r also follower of him.”

Me: “hmmm lemme think.”

Sweets: “you still thinking, u know what just forget it, u dun wanna come, u dun Love me (why do always gals bring this Love in between, if we r not able to do anything for her then we don’t love her, oh God plz help me)

Me: “Ok, OK let me see what can be done.”

Sweets: “No way, u r coming, I dun know anything” (in her heart she knew that I will come down anyhow and I also knew it very well that though m denying to go but in fact I wanted to see her)

Me: “Ok u dun get angry, I am coming, see u in few minutes.” (Thought: why do I always listen to her may be bcoz I m falling in Love with her every day, hour and sec)

Sweets: “Gud, I love you, talk to u later, bye” (oh luk at her, I couldn’t help smiling, damm I would do anything to make her keep saying this) and disconnected the call (Thought: hey wait, I also wanna say I Love you, aahhhh wat to do wid this girl), juz messaged her “I Love You too, sweets.”

After that I thought about what to do and how to reach her house, I looked for several options

1^st – borrowing someone’s bike from my hostel, but my bad I couldn’t find a single soul who wud lend me his bike.

2^nd – taking an Auto-rickshaw, but alas! It was already 22:30 pm and it’s very difficult to get it.

3^rd – call sweets and say that m not coming, but this thought vanished as soon as it came to my mind coz she wud kill me if I dun get there.

Final option – A walk. (Her house was 3 kms from my hostel, and it was bloody winter)

As no other option was left with me so I decided to go for my “Final” one. Plugged in my ear phones and started listening to the Fm, (the song which 1^st hit my ear drums was “tera mujhse hai pehle ka nata koi, yun hi nahi dil lubhata koi”, Thought: I guess it’s true and why the hell “I guess”, I know it’s true), my journey started, wished myself “Happy Journey” I couldn’t ask any of my frnd to do so else they would have called me insane. I called her

Me: “hi, m leaving, will reach there in few mins.”

Sweets: “wow, u r so sweet, did u get bike or auto.”

(I never lied to her, but this time I did coz wanted to see her and if wud have told the truth she cud have said “No” about me cuming her home)

Me: “No but my frnd will drop me there and when m done,will drop me back to hostel.”

Sweets: “Gud, I have got some work, give me a call when u reach here.”

Me: “Yups, sure, Bye, I Love You”

Sweets: “I Love you too. Bye”

While going towards her house (at that point of time I always thought it to be my future in laws house but it didn’t happen, anyway lemme continue) I dreamed of her, and wow her single thought of made me feel warmth even in chilly winter, that’s what kept me going.

In the meanwhile, she gave me a call

Sweets: “Hi, where r u, temme seriously, u cuming or not.?

Me: “Sweets, u temme , has there been a single time that I haven’t listened to u.”

Sweets: “No, bt m juz asking.”

Me: “yups, m on my way.”

Sweets: “please, come soon na baby, m dying to see u.”

Me: “same is the case with me swthrt, juz wait”

Sweets: “OK, then c u later.”

Me: “Yups, c ya”

 I walked around 45 mins (yeah I was almost running and taking bigger steps so that m able to cover the distance ASAP) and finally reached my destination.

I gave her a call,

Me: “Hi, m standing outside ur house.”

Sweets: “y u standing outside, come in na.”

Me: “but what wud I say if anyone asks me.”

Sweets: “dun make me angry, didn’t I tell you.”

Me: “juz kidding.”(Disconnected the call)

I stepped in (took name of every God (though I dun believe in this thing anymore) to help me).

Called her again.

Me: “where r u, I can’t see u, come outside”

Sweets: “r u crazy, I can’t come outside yaar.”

Me: “then y did u call me here, m going back, Bye.”

Sweets: “Oho, y u getting angry yaar, wait, come near the porch of my house, and juz sit on one of the chairs kept there and if someone asks u juz tell them that u r here to meet Guru g, and calm down, I Love You a lot.”

Me: (she knows it very well that saying I Love you is the best thing for me) “Ok, I Love you too.”

I sat on one of the chairs and was looking for her, was a bit nervous also reason being m inside the house of my Love. I got a call from her,

Me: “where r u”

Sweets: “why u luking so terrified.”

Me: “wait, u mean, u can see me.”

Sweets: “Yes I can.”

Me: “But why can’t I, where r u.”

Sweets: “I’m, inside ur heart.”

Me: “I know that, stop playing and come infront of me.”

Sweets: “No I won’t.”

Me: “Ok, fine m leaving.”

Sweets: “hehe, wait wait my shone, juz look infront of u.” (and she opened a window which was juz infront of me, later she told me that it’s her kitchen.)

The moment I saw her, was speechless, couldn’t utter a single word, after all I saw her after a gap of 20 days, (Thought: I'm so addicted to you..Your smile.. Your laugh..Your yelling..your talks... Your crying..your care.. Your love is my Drug..If i would get you.. It’s Like a Dream cOme True..)

Sweets: “hello, hello, what happened, talk to me.”

Me: “Yeah, Hi, sorry.”

Sweets: “hehe, u r crazy, it’s my home, dun look at me like that.”

Me: “m sorry, couldn’t help, I Love you.”

Sweets: “Love you too and thnx for coming, wait I will send a cup of tea.”

Me: “No, No, m fine.”

Sweets: “What No, it’s cold out there., juz wait”

She sent a cup of tea for me, it was like “Oxidant” for me. I felt refreshed after that. She stayed there for long and was juz looking at me from time to time.

Call.

Sweets: “what r u looking at.”

Me: “you (couldn’t find better word)”

Sweets: “r u mad.”

Me: “Yes I am, and that too only for you. I Love you a lot sweets, please dun ever leave me.”

Sweets: “Stop saying that, trust me, I won’t ever.” (bt now I think, did she really meant it)

Sweets: “now come inside and go upstairs”

Me: (suddenly all my Love got drenched and that I felt that m not drinking tea bt a hot stone of erupting volcano) “what, have u gone mad, listen sweets I dun want your father to put a bullet in my head.”

Sweets: “shut up yaar, juz come, coz in few minutes Guru g wud come outside to give everyone blessings for the last time before going to bed and I want you to be there.”

Me: “Ok, as u wish, bt if something goes wrong then you wud be responsible, dun blame me afterwards”

Sweets: “offo, can’t u listen to me, juz do what I say.”

Me: “yes mam.”

I went straight upstairs, she was also there, her Guru g came there gave everyone his blessing, who cared at that time about the blessing what I did care was sweets, standing right in front of me, felt like giving her a tight hug, but it was her house.

I received a message

“Now if u want, can leave”

(why would I want that but I had to else that wud be the last day on this planet)

Replied “Yups m leaving.”

I came out of her house, and started walking back, thinking….…………………………………..

So this was only a small excerpt from my upcoming Novel. For rest you have to purchase and read it.

I just wanted to tell you guys that how much crazy I was about her, even I could walk 3 kms at night.

This is true that I never said “NO” to her for anything.

(The post which u read above is part of my upcoming novel, I posted it juz to see what kinda reaction I get from my readers, as I always say “Sometimes Little Compliment means a lot to me “, do temme whether u like it or not and also shud I complete my novel)

Every night I go to bed dreaming of the moment I get to see you again, the moment when months without you are erased by a single kiss, the moment when all my tears are dried by a single smile, the moment when hearing the sound of your voice means seeing you at the same time. Knowing that the moment I dream of will eventually become a reality is what keeps me going.

@Sandy……

I Hate Waiting

You know what I hate? Waiting.
I hate waiting for anything.
Waiting for a TV show,
waiting for a text back,
waiting for school to end,
waiting for the bread to come out of the toaster,
waiting for anything.

But the worst thing to wait for is you.
I hate waiting for you to talk to me,
I hate waiting for you to tell me you true feelings.
I hate waiting, but I do it for you.
Why? Because your worth it...

@Sandy..............

I Don't know........

After her call I told one of my friend who knows about her, that sweets called me up today, we talked and chatted. I got a scolding from him “Sandeep, why do u even talk to her, or rather think about her, just let her go, u know it very well that she won’t come back to u, atleast not in this life time, u have the potential to get any girl, any girl would be lucky to be with you, why don’t you understand this, just stop, stop loving her”

Me: (eyes filled with tears) “Buddy, I don’t know.”

People (every single have met in this beautiful journey called Life) always say this to me “Sandeep u r more than a nice guy, stop being so nice and gud to everyone, start getting angry at few (bcoz feelings like anger and hatred doesn’t rest in me at all)”

Also I dun know why every other person is interested in my Love story, and when I tell them what happened , people say “Sandeep, how can a Guy love a girl so much that even after so many years u still love and think about her, coz there are rarely guys like me in today’s time. And Why did she leave u”

I juz say “It’s my kinda Love and I dun knw the reason why she broke up with me”

Love is when one calls u on the phone,u get that tingly feeling inside, everytime u get a message from them, u smile and ur heart beats a thousand times a minute! Love is, when u hold his or her hand, and knowing that there is nothing better in the world, than being with him or her.

(Please do not think that have praised myself a lot in this blog, I just wrote whatever feedback I got and still get from my friends, acquaintances, and family)

If you ask me how I'm doing I will say I'm doing just fine. I would lie and say that you're not on my mind. But I go out and sit down at a table set for two and finally I'm forced to face the truth. I'm still not over you

Truth is: Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.

Falling in love doesn't happen just once, Every time you hear their voice, after not hearing it for a week, every time you see that smile brighten the room, every time they make you laugh, when you don't even want to smile, every kiss hello and see-you-later hug, That’s when you fall in love, Not once, but everyday

@Sandy……..

Memories Revisited......

Yesterday while I was going back to home after office, I received 2 sms

1st -- “Hi...I read your blog”
2nd – “didn’t u recognise my number”

And a miss call.

I looked at the sms number of times and couldn’t believe that it was “Sweets”, the only love of my Life, contacting me after a gap of almost a year. After reaching home I replied to her “was driving, will call you later”. Though I was at home, but for about 20 mins was not able to decide whether to call or not. Again a feeling which is very much familiar to me started arising in my heart and started feeling restless. For few minutes every moment spent with her flashed in front of my eyes as if it’s happening with me right now. I came out of my past and decided to give her a call. The moment she said “Hello”, my heart melted and I took a deep breath, said “Hi, how r u”. But my bad, that the network created problem and call was disconnected. I ran downstairs in almost 1 breath, again tried to call her but this time I heard an IVR “The person you are trying to call is not reachable” (thought: She is already not reachable and this damm phone is reminding me of it). Called again, IVR “The mobile is currently switched off” (thought: why did she switch off her mobile, shouldn’t have called if didn’t want to talk). After 10 minutes thought of trying again (dun know why I wanted to talk to her, why I was trying her cell again and again, maybe this is called Love), finally the call was connected:

Sweets: “Hi”

Me: “HI, hw r u”

Sweets:”m gud and wht abt u” (why did she even asked this question, thought: hw could I be without the girl whom I have always loved from the deep core of my heart, bt still I had to reply bcoz it was sweets ,for whom I would loose millions to talk or just get a glimpse of her)

Me: “m gud” (I wanted to say that to be very honest m not gud bcoz I miss u, I miss u every single day, hour, minute or second of my life)

Me: “so temme, what’s the reason of call”

Sweets: “I read you blog and liked it very much, thanks for writing.”

Me: “m glad that you liked it, thank you very much for reading, but how come u thought of going through my blog.”(Heart speaks: I wrote it for u, my blog and every word written in it is dedicated to u sweets, and now it’s worth writing that u read it.)

Sweets: “no need to say thnx bcoz m feeling gud about being so special, I never knew that one I wud see myself on internet in beautiful words.”

Me: “so what made u call me”

Sweets: “it’s just that I was reading, reading, reading and crying while going through ur blog, and finally I made up my mind to give u a call.”

Me: “thnx for the call.”

This is just a short conversation of what we talked. The call went around for 1 hour, and I got an order from her to get my cell recharged with SMS voucher, also I can message her anytime and anything.

After the call ended, I was sitting quietly in my room, thinking about her, I tried hard not to do so, bt couldn’t help, my heart skipped a beat while thinking about her reason being I have always loved her from the deep core of my heart. I know she is not with me, but have always prayed for her well-being coz m not like others, I do not believe in cursing after break-up. I have always wished (still wish for it) that me and sweets could be together, I want her to be with me if not possible in this Life time then in every other whenever I take birth in human form. I know after reading , you guys might feel that this guy is crazy and talking like “filmy” types, but trust me that my kinda Love for sweets, only and specially for her.

I was so happy to hear her voice after a gap of 1 year, trust me have been wanting to do so from a very long time, but a thought always stopped me from giving her call that what if she doesn’t receives my call, what if she doesn’t want to talk to me, what …what…… what… and so many whats……..

But when she called me yesterday, tears came rolling down my eyes, but I didn’t let her notice that m crying.

Now I can proudly say that my blog is worth writing and sharing since the girl for whom I wrote it has finally read.

Thanks a ton sweets. I still love you and will always with my every breath. Thank you for being the girl whom I have always Loved and cared for. I miss youuuuuuu...............

@Sandy…………..

Palak Dua

Recently I started reading a new blog and found it close to my heart. Palak really writes very well. The way she writes and expresses her thoughts is truly appreciable. Even I liked the template of her blog. Keep writing Palak, Bless You, Take Care.

After reading her blog, I felt that it is a blessing in disguise for all those who have gone through worst thing in Life “Break-up” and are still trying to cope up with the pain will feel that they are not alone, also those who are still in any relationship will think a lot to break their relation. Trust me guys it might be very easy to “break-up” but no one can understand what pain it brings along for the person who truly cared and loved the other

http://palak1992.blogspot.in/

Please do visit, and trust me it’s worth visiting.

@Palak--- In case you go through this post, you might be surprised about why I wrote it, but that’s my special way of saying thanks for ur visit, comment and finally joining my site as a follower. Thanks a ton. And hey keep visiting. :)

@Sandy………..

Abhishek Dubey

I don’t know what took me so long to write about my Best Friend, but here I am to tell you guys about a person or rather a Gem, whom I have known from past 8 years.

To start with let me tell you about my very first encounter (though it was not very good but I love to remember it) with Abhishek Dubey or AD (famous initials of Jabalpur) or Shivam (this is what his family members and close friends call him). It was my first week in the college (ofcourse those were the best days of my Life), interaction with seniors was going on, one of my senior asked me to call a guy named Abhishek Dubey, as he didn’t appear a single time infront of them. I went looking for AD, as soon as I stepped out of classroom , saw him standing there only, I asked him to come inside and as expected he refused and said “Don’t bother me, go do your work and tell them I won’t come.”, I replied “Listen, I don’t know what is your problem but you have to come inside, this is my college” He turned towards me and said “ if this college is yours then I am King of this city, go F*** yourself” , he went away. I was surprised and asked one of the colleague, standing right beside me who was listening to our conversation, about him. He only said “Don’t mess with AD.”, I just smiled. So this is a small excerpt of how we met to maintain a relation of, from being “Just friends” to “Best Friends”.

I was searching for the meaning of name “Abhishek” over the internet just to begin my blog and here it is what I came across: Abhishek means = Lovable to all, king of the world, cute, A NAME WITH INBUILT ROMANCE AND DEDICATION TO WORK, this name is cool in its own way. gal love this name, straight forward, Good nature, Abhishek is a name that symbolises Love, Affection and Honesty towards any relationship, and blah blah blah….. trust me the list is endless.

Well let me use “Shivam” for my blog because it’s what I prefer calling him. Shivam is such a nice guy that I think not even world’s biggest dictionary has got a single word that would be able to define him. A Guy like Shivam is born once in a century and I am lucky to have him in this beautiful journey called Life. I can write a whole series of book about him and every edition ending with “To be continued….”

The best part of Shivam is that he loves everyone, knows how to talk, maintain a relation be it family, friends, love (now he is married to the love of his Life), or only acquaintances. Shivam is the most beautiful flower in my garden of friendship.

On 28th Jan, 2012 Shivam got married to the girl, Riddhi Mishra, he has loved from past 10 years (soon you would be able to see a blog titled “My Best Friend’s Wedding”). My best wishes are always with him and Riddhi.

Now tell me which friend of yours calls you every day after getting married and asks you to join for the dinner, even on weekends we go out together, this is the kind of love he possess for me. These days I spend most of the time with Shivam & Riddhi and Love being with them.
Even during our college days we used to spend maximum time together be it at college or “Anghithi (favourite)”.

I Love (please don’t get me wrong) Shivam because he was and is always there with and for me. Let me tell you a incident, after my break up Shivam, Avinash and I were enjoying a night out then suddenly while talking about sweets I started crying, Shivam came near me wiped off my tears with his own hands and said “Sandeep, either you stop crying or I will make her cry.” Now you could understand how much he loves me.

We are such good friends that I like to pass the day with him even in serious and inconsequential chatter, I wouldn’t mind washing beside him, dusting beside him, and reading the back half of paper while you read the front. I always feel great high privilege, relief and comfort in being friends with Shivam.

There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, but the very meaning of one’s soul and that person of my Life is “Shivam”. With Shivam I can be sincere, jolly, before him I may think aloud. At times he pulls my leg, which I guess is favourite pastime for him and I don’t mind it at all.

I can say Shivam and I are BFF (Best Friends Forever) and will do every best effort to keep our friendship alive Life Long. Cheers Shivam. Bless You.

“Best friends are hard to find coz the very best one is already mine.”
When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I'll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can't forget the fun we've had
Laughing till our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we're insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all.


Trust me I had to forcefully stop myself from writing about Shivam…..



@Sandy…..

Life is to….“Move On”

You might have often heard people saying this world to you or your friends. Even when my GF broke up with me few of my dear ones suggested me the same. But, Is it really easy to forget someone, with whom you have cherished a Life Time moment once.
Now let me tell you a secret, if ever you have felt Love for someone you will understand whatever am saying, I would say a big “NO” about the forgetting and moving on part, being blessed by this beautiful feeling I would say “It’s not possible” for anyone to do it.

The most difficult part is not ‘moving-on’ but the fact that you keep looking back just to make sure that the one you loved is happy without you and trust me that hurts a lot. You might be able to stop yourself from texting, calling, even looking at her but what about your heart, the pain that reminds you of her every now and then.

At some point you will realise that someone with whom you have spent a Life time moment suddenly becomes a stranger, from the people you know to people you knew. Every breath you take makes you feel that you are missing her but you can’t do anything about it.
It’s been almost 4 years since sweets left me and am still trying to accept the magic of this word “Move-On”.

A friendly advice: Please don’t get carried away with my post, just do it. I mean to say “Move-On”, Life never stops for someone or anyone. I know how hard it is to apply when it comes to you but we don’t have a choice. Just make sure that you get busy, be it anything with friends or office, you should not let her effect you. Be strong and aim for the star so that whenever she looks at you, would understand that she Lost a Gem while looking and playing with stones.

People always think that the most painful thing is losing the one you love in your life. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting that you are special too. Don’t do this. I went through the same situation and now I can only say “Re-gathering myself from Ashes Like a Phoenix”.

@Sandy.......

Happy Holi.....

I wish a Happy Holi to all my readers and followers.

May you have the most blessed holi festival than you ever had.
May it be full of fun,joy and love.
May you be as colorful as the festival itself or even more.
Lets all have lots of fun.
@Sandy..............